During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common
question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It
depends.. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing
on your mind.
Here's the answer.
*EVERY *relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
liked their *idiosyncrasies* (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely
natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to *DO* anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening *TO YOU*.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
*TO YOU*.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of marriage, the *euphoria* (excitement) of love fades.
It's the natural cycle of *EVERY *relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's *idiosyncrasies*, instead of being
cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think
about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the
right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the *euphoria* of the love you once
had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their
unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or
abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does *NOT* lie outside your marriage. It lies
within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.
And *TEMPORARILY* you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a
few years later. *Because* (listen carefully to this):
*THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT
PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.*
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'll
*NEVER*just happen to you. You can't "find"
*LASTING* love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have
the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes *WISDOM*. You have to know *WHAT TO DO* to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is *NOT *a mystery. There are specific things
you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are
also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship *WILL* make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results
are predictable... you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... *Not* just a feeling.
Remember this always:
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you
let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go"
